I am a single, divorced woman of 9 years.Can't say that I love being single all the time, but I do enjoy all the time that I can dedicate to my children. I have 2 amazing children. My son is named Gavin and he just turned 21. Wow. (that makes me feel really old, by the way). He is a caring, compassionate, and strong young man. I see so much of my Dad in him. It makes me smile whenever I think about how much my dad taught him and "rubbed' off on him. My daughter is 15 and her name is Hailey. She is a beautiful, wonderful, and very caring young woman. She amazes me everyday at her knowledge, her love for other people, and her wittiness. She is definitely one amazing young woman and I enjoy every minute I spend with her. They both had to grow up faster than normal when my kidneys failed in April 2004. It was a hard time for my kids and I because it was sudden and unexpected and as a single parent, my children had to take on responsibilities that most children would not have to. This was a very scary time for my entire family to say the least. We had already lost my Mother in 1996 and my oldest brother, Chris, in 2001 to the same inherited kidney disease. So, as you can imagine, me, my children and my family was devastated and scared. But once again, as always, without fail, God walked me through this disaster and stayed with me as I endured almost 7 years of dialysis while still raising 2 amazing children as a single Mom. In 2008, my children and I would come face to face with yet another challenge. My Dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor and the overall prognosis and outcome was not good. I have to be totally honest with you. By this time, I was getting a little angry at God. I was faithful to him in the fact that I did know and realize all he had done for me and my children. I did try to thank him and walk with him in all my challenges. But ...WOW. Again? You are going to take my Dad too? I questioned God a lot about this. I was so angry. Why? What have I done to you Lord, to deserve losing all my loved ones? So, even though I questioned and pondered on all this, I continued to pray and ask God to help me understand why I was having to endure such challenges. Not to mention my children enduring such loss also. My Dad lost his battle with brain cancer on September 20, 2009. And I will have to tell you, losing my Mom was what I thought the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. but losing my Dad was even worse. I was a Daddy's girl. He was my Superman. There was nothing that my Dad could not do. He was my John Wayne, the toughest man alive. The day that my Dad died was unreal. But I have to admit, even though I questioned God, even though I was so angry at God, even though I could not believe God would make me endure this.... I could still feel him around me, holding me, helping me say goodbye to my Dad.
Exactly 1 week after my dad passed, I got a call from Vanderbilt. The lady was asking if I had a fever in the last 7 days, any belly pain, and how my dialysis was going. When I answered her and told her that things were as the usually were, she stated, "Don't get too excited yet, but we just very well may have a match for you from Oregon.". Now for background purposes, they told me that I probably would never see a new kidney. My antibodies were in the 90% range and that pretty much made it impossible for me to ever find a match. The lady must have thought I had lost my mind. I just sat there in silence and disbelief. I even asked her again where she was calling from. Like a retail store or someone else would be making this phone call to me. I hung up from her and immediately called my best friend, Stephanie. I can remember just calmly telling her what just happened and how I was going to be called back. Just like it was no big deal at all. As I look back now, it was totally comical. So, on September 27, 2009, I received a kidney transplant that saved my life. But this was no ordinary kidney transplant. I was the one that was never going to see one. I was the one that would never match someone else in a million to one. Ladies and gentleman, this was a miracle! After all the things that were said and done, God still gave me a miracle! He was still trying to show me his love for me. So the transplant was a success. I went back to my normal routine. Things were looking up and I was looking forward to having a semi-normal life again! I have never been so excited than when I sent my dialysis machine out of my house for the last time! But guess what? Another obstacle hit us in the summer of 2010. I contracted a viral infection from my donor kidney called CMV. Now to the normal person, this was no big deal. but to me, this was a very big deal. I had been having symptoms for over 3 weeks and nobody could figure out what was going on. I have to tell you friends, I had never felt this bad in my life. Even after everything I had went through, this is by far the worst. So basically, this viral infection almost killed me and it lasted almost 3 months! But......yet again...without fail, God took care of me. He carried me through my sickness and loved me unconditionally. This is what it took for me to get it finally. I finally sat down and looked at all the things I had went through. And boy was there a lot of them. But the one thing that I realized, was that God had been there through every single one. Every single time he carried me and comforted me. He walked with me through them all. Why had I not seen this before? Was I this blind? To not see that God was trying to show me just how much he did love me? So as soon as I was able, I got up and started attending church at The Journey. My friend, Stephanie, had been inviting me for almost a year and I always found every excuse why I could not go. So I went. And I felt things that day that I just cannot explain. I was home. I was where I was suppose to be. I felt comforted. I felt loved. Even the people there felt familiar and loving. I have been attending The Journey ever since. I will always be there. The Journey is my home.
So....are you asleep yet? I really hope not. I know that I have rambled alot in this long message but this is the thing. If you stayed with me and you read everything I was trying to say, then you realize that I was trying to show you what God has done for me. Not that I have endured many sad, devastating things. I did not write this for you to feel sorry or pity me. I wrote this for you to understand that I have had more than my fair share of sadness, tragedy, and loss. But I STILL love my God and I STILL thank him everyday for everything he has given me and blessed me with. So, since your eyes are probably crossing, I will end today's blog. Please come back often and read to see where my life takes me now. I am excited really. With God by my side, nothing is impossible!!!! Until next time.....LIVE THE MOMENT!!
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